THE STARTER SHACK
The Majors are done. The Olympics are done. The Ryder Cup is still a ways away. What now? Playoffs! Remember when the playoffs didn't exist and the season just kind of...faded away...like your Aunt Themla's hairline. "Where'd it go?"
🥶 How do we fix slow play
💰 Pro enters Club Championship...members ae pissed
💋 Jack & Arnold's Tinder profile pictures
⛳️ Extra pleasure with micro-ribbing on your wedges
How to Fix Glacial Slow Play
Slow Play. It Sucks. And it feels like it isn’t getting better. Here, There or Anywhere.
Whether a five-plus round at your local track or professionals playing for Monopoly-esque levels of cash on any tour, it is as painful as the chafe mark from wearing your jeans commando for a day.
At least we mortals can lounge in a cart, swill liquid courage, and channel our inner Patrick Swayze from Roadhouse exclaiming what we’d like to do to the human toll booths in front of us.
For as long as there has been golf, there has been much discussion of this problem.
Lists have been made to shame those included into quickening the pace of play.
This isn’t just a recent phenomenon - classic slow player Glen Day; nicknamed “All” as in Glen “All Day” for his sloth-like pace of play. Other pokey players have been told they play so slow that they could be bronzed (like an old pair of baby shoes).
Paul Azinger, when speaking of notorious slow play “guru” Bernhard Langer, that “the powers that be should be invoking the same-day rule” when he tees it up. Even Lee Trevino once exclaimed that “Bernhard was clean-shaven when this round started”.
Rory Sabattini (the other Rory) once famously putted out ahead of Ben Crane and waited for him on the next tee he was so exasperated with Crane’s glacial pace of play.
What to do about slow play you ask? There are a few ideas, some clever, some not terribly legal, but all would certainly suffice to get things moving:
- Adhering to slow play rules and actually handing out penalty strokes
- You can only talk to your caddy while walking to your ball
- For every hole a group falls behind, they have the choice—lose a club or shot-gun a PBR
- Instead of a scorekeeper walking with you, there’s a shot clock...staring you in the face
- If your nickname is the Human Rain Delay, you are the problem
- If you’re calculating the heat index, you’re forced to get your meteorology degree
- What ideas do you have? Let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org
Worst case, we hear that Greg Norman’s game of Roshambo is a great motivator (as it is clear the classic shame bell from Game of Thrones doesn’t work).
- What's your handicap?: former tour pro enters Club Championship, for the chance to win a trophy and $400 in shop credit! Some of the membership wanted to lock him in a room and play Sarah McLachlan tunes until his head exploded but alas, he played...and lost. This turned out to be a real-life Bushwood extravaganza coming down to the last few holes.
- Tiger told her "get what you can": Tiger's mistress that set his whole world rolling is back in the news. When everything went down the first time, Tiger reached out to her and said, "get what you can". Not the shrewd businessman we thought he was... his lawyers offered $200k and she got $8 mil after that conversation.
- 17 years in the NBA now College Golf: JR Smith won championships with the Cavaliers and Lakers but that wasn't challenging enough. Now he wants to go to college and try and walk on the golf team...at 35 years old. As the shooting guard, JR is not shy of scoring.
- Oakmont & Merion in rotation: if your unborn grandkid is swinging the umbilical cord, they might get the opportunity to play the US Open at Merion...in 2050. Who plans this far in the future? We have no idea what we're writing in the next sentence.
- A boxcar under the green?: this golf course in Wisconsin has a boxcar buried under the 7th green. A gem in the Badger State at a steal of a price.
- Stacy calls out slow players: we've never looked at Stacy Lewis and thought "wow, she has a lot of friends", but she made one out of us as she's calling people out for their slow play. You tell'em, Stacy!
PIC OF THE DAY
Not sure if these studs are playing professional golf or posing for their Tinder profiles. If Palmer had one less shirt button done up Jack could be doing body shots on the next tee.
OUTSIDE THE ROPES
Ever wondered what a Tiger Stinger sounds like as it zips past your ear? We always thought we'd hear the ball screaming as it careened past us. It's actually a lot like the silent-delayed scream you had when you rode the Tilt-a-Whirl in the mall parking lot. Lips tucked under your teeth, holding onto that slippery metal bar with your sweaty palms, slowly sliding across the seat...thinking you were going to be ejected into the neighboring used car lot. "I can't scream cause I can't breathe"...that's what Tigers Stinger sounded like.
INSIDE THE ROPES
What do you get when you give Kevin Hart and Snoop Dogg a microphoneand some golf footage? A very NSFW commentary and a g&d damn good time!
TaylorMade Wedges: the new Milled Grind 3 (MG3) wedges
These wedges come with raised micro-ribs. This sounds vaguely familiar. Do they come in packs of three at the Circle K?
TaylorMade wanted to create one club for the seasoned professional and the amateur alike. The raised micro-ribbing is to allow for more spin from the amateur golfer. See, we find this funny, 'cause no matter how much ribbing is on these wedges we'll never be able to give our ball the spinning satisfaction it deserves.
*not a sponsored post
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