Aug 21, 2021 5 min read Email

THE STARTER SHACK

Do you know a current professional golfer named Milton? He's a stud when it comes to holing out shots on the golf course.

🎯 Milton, the golf pro who holed out 22 times in 85 rounds

🧐 DeChambeau shats the bed and then cleans it up

🍺 Harold Varner III crushes beer and contemplates his attitude

⛳️ Jordan with back-to-back hole outs

PGA TOUR

WARNING: Hole Outs Lead to Dislocated Ankles

In our weekly effort to bring you the finest in obscure golf news and what we consider analysis, we came across a very crazy observation.

In the 2021 PGA Tour season, through last week’s event, Tony Finau had played 85 competitive rounds and has holed out an astounding 22 times. So, on average, in every event he has played, he holes out at least once (basically when not on the green or the fringe according to the stats gurus).

We are stoked if we hole out once a decade. Hell, it's cause for a round of boilermakers when we lip in a three-footer for a round saving double bogey.

What’s crazy is Tony is not even the overall leader in this category, but he is the most proficient on a per hole played basis. Before you ask, there is no El Dorado for guessing who’s in first, nor a set of steak knives for deducing the silver medallist.

We suppose there should be no surprise that Finau isn’t tops on this list (he’s third), as he has a well documented history of finishing achingly close to first, but coming up just short in most of his events.

Tony Finau (aka The Bridesmaid)

Turned pro in 2007, joined PGA Tour in 2105
contestant on Golf Channel’s Big Break Disney in 2009 with his brother, Gipper
46 top-10s, 146 made cuts in 188 events, 1 win in 7 years on the PGA Tour
Made PGA playoffs every year (made Tour Championship last four years)
Member of Ryder Cup (‘18), Presidents Cup (‘19), likely Ryder Cup in 2021
$23.5M in career earnings (XXX place all-time)

We are sensing a bit of a Chucky Three Sticks vibe here. Consistency. Flashes of brilliance. All around nice guy.

Even if this nice guy has “fire knife dancing” as a hobby (what’s wrong with fly fishing or playing Canasta?).

Listen folks, if all we need to do is win silver or bronze once in a while, stay away from the top of the podium for the most part and still cash in $23.8M over a seven-year career ($3.4M/year!), well, just slap our faces and call us Milton Pouha Finau (aka Tony). That sounds like a hell of a good time except the part about dislocating your ankle celebrating a hole-in-one at Augusta on national television.

Let’s just say that in a weird year on the PGA Tour where there have 41 different winners and nobody has won more than two events, we are rooting for Milton to break through for his second career win.

GIMME

Back to Back: Jordan Speith makes back-to-back eagle hole-outs. We often do this...from 2 feet for double bogey. Same thing in our mind.
Foot Wedge kind of situation: we were today years old when we found out you can't take relief from an immovable obstruction inside a penalty area like the situation Ian Poulter found himself in. Our optimal play here is to either take the free foot wedge that is allowed or just drop it in the fairway and put that all-meaning asterisk beside our score on the card.
DJ cracks his driver: and not that's not a description for how far he hits his driver...he actually cracked it. So he played with a 3-wood and ranked 59th in driving distance. See we never have to worry about cracking our drivers with our 84 mile per swing speeds.
Phil Mickelson the II: Korn Ferry Tour player, Harry Hall, played a Phil Mickelson-esque shot from the grandstands at the Albertson's Boise Open. That reminds us of this one time we passed through Boise...
JT takes heat from 15 year old: Thomas put an old Scotty Cameron in his bag after being interrogated by a 15-year-old as to why he's not using it. After shelving his old Scotty he put a new one in the bag that produced mixed results and this didn't sit well with the youngster. Kids give us headaches so we tend to keep them at arm's length.
Beers and Tears: Harold Varner III had a crappy Saturday so he crushed a couple beers that night that changed his attitude and perspective towards his game. We don't usually wait until after the round to crush beers and it is usually reflected in holes 6-18.
R&A boosts purse for LPGA: by a whopping $1.3 million dollars at the AIG Women's Open for a total purse of 5.8 million. And will increase it again with at least another $1,000,000 next year to a purse no less than 6.8 million.

PIC OF THE DAY

Boy does this bring back memories. Took a tight turn in the middle of the 5th fairway and tossed dad out the side of the cart. Nothing like seeing your dad do involuntary summersaults and a half shit-kicker to finish it off. Kinda thought we were watching an Olympic gymnast for a second...until he got up and yelled some obscenities and then chased us for three holes before the swelling of his turf routine set in.

WITB

Say what you want about rolling the ball back, checking the trampoline effect on drivers...we're sure glad the game has evolved since these clubs. What is that, a garden hoe and a potato masher?

INSIDE THE ROPES

Hi, my name's Bryson and I like to get weird on the golf course.

"I bet you can't make five bogeys, two doubles and still shoot even par"

"Hold my beer"

GOLF GEAR

Cleveland launches the Launcher XL Iron line

Remember when you could buy a full set of irons that looked like woods/hybrids...well Cleveland is going retro and bringing that sexy sh!t back with the Launcher XL's! When you buy these we suggest pairing them with a nice new set of neoprene "iron/hybrid" covers.

*not a sponsored post (from time to time we may have affiliate links)

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